To my sweet Alice,
For the entirety of your four wonderful years on this earth so far, it has consciously been on my mind to instill in you that you can do whatever you want to do, and be whoever you want to be. And I never thought anything of it until Jack came along and I realised I have never done the same for him.
Not once have I made sure to stress to him that he can be an astronaut if he loves space as much as you do, or that he can be a footballer when he’s older if he really wants. And this has made me realise how truly intrinsic gender bias is. I’ve never told him because I didn’t think that for one second he would ever doubt that. I’ve never for one moment worried that Jack will grow up with even an ounce of self doubt that he wouldn’t ‘belong’ in a certain field or profession.
The worry plagues me, and I have been so fearful that school and gender stereotypes will push back against what I stress so much to you. That physical divide between boys and girls becomes so apparant not just from the children but the parents. I worry that you will listen to words of doubt that ‘cars and trains are for boys’ or that ‘girls don’t get dirty’. How inane and insignificant, until you blink and it becomes ‘girls can’t be mechanics’, ‘girls can’t be engineers’. For now, I consider it a victory that you still want to wear your Spiderman and dinosaurs “boys” pants with pride, despite what some of your peers may comment. But already I am fearful of the divide in your life. You have a dwindling number of boys influencing you now and instead are inundated with a myriad of homemaking games; playing babies, playing mums and dads. I need to remember that that is ok. You can be a proud and strong woman and still want to play those games, role play that life. Your resolve and quiet determination is now tested daily, and my heart soars to see it grow within you; you will go so far with that in your armour.
Little ears are listening now and Alice I am making sure you hear that I will cheerlead whatever you want to do. ‘A woman’s place’ is wherever we want to be.
But look all around you! Look at your aunties, your cousin, your grandmothers. Look at all of my friends! All of my fabulous friends who have birthed and raised your fabulous friends! We are surrounded by incredible women who all love you and every thing they do helps you continue to grow into the wonderful girl you are. And yes, though there is such a long way to go for gender equality, in amongst the doom and gloom it’s so important to appreciate the strong positive influences we have all around us.
Let’s enjoy female empowerment rather than feel burdened by the weight of creating it. Let’s continue to read the books about fantastic women who have achieved incredible feats. Let’s watch female athletes exceed the achievements of men…while breastfeeding! Let’s celebrate it all and use it to fuel our own passions.
I don’t want you to grow up with a chip on your shoulder, but instead with a fire in your belly. Wear pink! But wear it because you want to and not because it’s for girls. Do what you want and do it unapologetically. But do it because you want to and not because you feel that you should.
To my darling Jack,
The world is changing for the better, and you will be a part of that. As you grow, so too will the positive changes for women. The question is will you be a passive observer or an advocate for that change.
I want you to be mindful, and to be kind. Not in the chivalrous sort of way, but in a self aware way. Being aware of the privilege you hold as a white male and using it to do right. To speak up for those who don’t feel they can. It’s no longer enough to simply be there in solidarity, it will be important to vocally push against the negativity from your position of privilege.
But what about now, when you’re just a boy? Well whatever you do, do not underestimate the girls! Having Alice will have taught you that already, but never forget they’re just as much fun to play with and will give you a run for your money. Don’t discount a great toy for fear that it’s ‘girly’. Just enjoy toys for what they are. If you want to play with dolls then do it! And keep wearing your fabulous accessories, you pull it off so well sweet boy!
Be sure to value the incredible female influences in your life. You are surrounded by strong women who love you. Listen to what they have to say and learn from them.
I hope you will appreciate and admire strong women. I want you to see them as role models and equals, and not just impressive and admirable ‘for a woman’. We will continue to read the books about great inspirational women with Alice in the same way we’d read anything else.
I hope for great things for you. I hope you reach whatever you aspire to reach in whatever industry you choose. And I hope when you do, you will look to your left, and look to your right, and see great women either side of you.
The Ginger Trio 