And breathe

And breathe. I know we are now a week into the Easter holidays, but last Friday, as Alice came out of the school gates, we all breathed a huge collective sigh of ginger relief. We’d made it. We’d survived another term.

The novelty of school has certainly worn off now that we are two thirds of the way through the first academic year. Alice loves being there, but everything encompassing it is a hard slog. Getting up early and immediately getting ready, errands that need squeezing in after school, the emotional rollercoaster that she goes through almost daily from being so utterly exhausted. The monotony of it all is a little stifling, particularly if you think too much about how many more years you’ll be doing the same route to and from school five times a week! Even Jack was becoming tired, not wanting to have to leave the house to collect her, not being able to just relax on his schedule, but within the boundaries dictated by the school run.

But we’ve made it, and the reset has been so magical. Having Alice home lighting up our lives with her presence, she is a real tonic. When the exhaustion of school is in full swing, the home can not always have a particularly pleasant environment. But it’s incredible how after just a couple days at a slower pace the atmosphere is transformed. She’s full of energy, she’s cheeky and sassy and funny. She’s kind and imaginative, and she works her way through her emotions so much better. It makes me question yet again how England can insist that starting school so young is more beneficial than detrimental. And I think this from a viewpoint of quite an academic child who is thriving in that environment. But is it worth it at the cost of their tiny little internal batteries draining to the utter limit?

And I wonder about it even more when I watch Alice and Jack play together. They are inseparable and unable to be without one another. Even when they play separately, they have to occupy the same space. It almost feels cruel that they are denied the time to develop such a special bond for the majority of the year and are only really given the worst parts of one another during term time. They clash and fight and snap at one another for breathing wrong. And while they are by no means angels together throughout the holidays, they argue proportionately so much less, and it’s resolved so much quicker.

And it’s not just Alice’s mood that’s improved, it’s mine: Ginger No.1! Being able to just be in the company of the children without forever feeling rushed or pressured has been a real relief. It just feels so endless and I can feel a little like a broken record yelling for shoes to “please be put on before we end up being late” for the tenth time. I let myself down with an unhappy atmosphere leaving the house and then feel guilty all day, only to then find myself clashing with my favourite person in the whole world come the afternoon because we’re both tired and cranky. Yes, I am the adult, but sometimes it’s important to acknowledge to yourself that it is tiring. Relentlessness and repetitiveness can mentally drain you, and without many positive boosts in between it can all feel a little rubbish.

There has been a new joy I’ve also found in just slowing down. Acknowledging that quality time colouring or pottering in the garden is still wonderful and stimulating for the children without exhausting them. Not every day has to involve a big exciting day trip. Coinciding this slower pace with the Easter break has definitely helped us all to relax and unwind that little bit further. The break is for Alice to do just that; have a break. To rest and recuperate, ready for another eventful and exciting term.

So I am thoroughly enjoying soaking up every second of my daughter. I’m wandering around idolising her, being grateful just to be in her presence and lucky to have her company. School don’t know how lucky they are to get so much of her. I’ll hold my tongue time and time again when I long to tell her how much I wish I could keep her home with me. But I do. I wish it more each day of each holiday as I remember once again what I’m missing.