School’s Out!

We made it! An entire year of school completed, all while still being just four years old. And what a year it’s been.

Those early days feel a lifetime ago. While COVID seems a distant memory now, it was still at the forefront of minds when school started. No settling in sessions or school tours for either of us to have an idea of what to expect and to ease the transition. And it progressively became worse than ever by Christmas with no nativity plays to well up over or Christmas fayres to bring the festivities and a sense of school community. A very serious and sad start to school life. We’ve had to bumble along without really knowing what we’re supposed to be doing, hoping that the things that we have done are right!

But as the sun is beaming and Alice has left school for the final time as part of Foundation Class, how she has grown. She has thrived and fully immersed herself into the spirit of school. She’s adored her teacher with love that only a young child can truly bestow on someone, and she’s never left the playground without a smile on her face. I couldn’t tell you what she’s done though, they seem to do “I can’t remember” every day! Now as we walk to and from school each day, we squeeze one another’s hands with excitement and not nerves as we chat about the day ahead.

My school experience as a parent, and my worries and anxieties, have thankfully not trickled through to her. If only I could follow her example and take everything in my stride. Instead of worrying about the ‘what ifs’, she has truly epitomised just enjoying the present, and perhaps this is why school has been such a pleasant experience for her thus far. We have both made so many wonderful friends since September, and the comradary of it all and the learning curves it has created have made for a rollercoaster of a year.

But I’ve still spent the vast majority of it feeling envious and sad of her friends who didn’t have to go to school this year. Who, by virtue of being born mere days later than her, have enjoyed an entire extra year with their siblings and parents, having day trips in the week, enjoying childhood. Who get to start the year with the boost of being the oldest and all the benefits that brings; not just today but throughout their entire school lives. Yes, she loves school, but I’m sure she would have just as much if she were starting this year. It will forever feel surreal to me that had she been born just ten hours later, I would have been blessed with an entire extra year with her. A year to soak up the joy of her innocence, of no external influences and pressures; an extra year of the baby bubble preserved. The sheer exhaustion she feels by the end of every term is immense and always a stark reminder of just how small she is. I will never not mourn that loss, it still weighs so heavily on my heart.

This year we have waved goodbye to our tiny little girl and welcomed a confident character into our home. For all the sadness that losing her to school has brought, the little personality that has grown has certainly eased the wound a little. The jokes, the skills, the ideas and inquisitiveness she has developed from being in the school environment has been so amazing to observe, and is just a tiny insight into what’s to come as she grows and her brilliant company gets better and better. I suppose that’s why school was so hard to come to terms with in the first place; because she’s a bloody great human to be around, and I had to lose that company prematurely.

But alas, here we are, and she’s done fantastically well. And this is what we’ve been counting down to! Six beautifully long weeks of endless free time to fill doing something or nothing at all. Park trips on a whim, lazy days at the beach, shaded walks in the woods, we just can’t wait. And even Jack is counting down to “have Alice back home with us”. A long time coming indeed.

Will it feel like this every year? Welling up at the ‘last time you’ll wear your PE kit to school in reception!’ and ‘last time you’ll have a jacket potato as a reception child’, all whilst Alice rolls her eyes at my pathetic sentimentality. When does your child ageing not feel like a shock? They change so significantly and so quickly when they are babies that all you notice is that they are growing. And when that slows, how they age and change becomes so much more subtle that it’s that much more shocking when you sit and reflect on how much they mature in a year. But the one constant with it all will be how proud I forever feel of her. What a superstar she is.

So cheers to the summer and the Ginger Trio being reunited!